Distracted Discourse

My Biological Mother is a Paranoid Schizophrenic. I call her, "Biological Mother" because until this summer, I hadn't talked to her for 13 years because aside from being bat shit insane, she is also not a nice lady. At all. So, she calls me yesterday to inform me...Oh wait...She called me to tell me Happy Birthday (my birthday was the 9th). So, she tells me happy birthday and that she's writing four novels, she's lost her job...AND (best Fucking part) she will be suing my Dad (the most fabulous man in the universe) for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder!!!
COME ON!!!

Dear G-d,
My life really isn't crazy enough. I just wanted to say "Thanks" for never failing to keep me on my toes. All my love,
Miranda

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I have not been auctioned off to a Jewish man yet...I also have an imaginary Jewish boyfriend long distance (That may have something to do with it)

Before I was stressed out....Post wine glass number three and now, I'm just drunk. Someone save me. No, really. Please.

On the upside: I scored a totally adorable date for New Year's...Second year in a row. "FUCK YEAH!"

It has been brought to my attention that "Rex" is a boy name. And since I am a girl, I can not go by the name, "Rex"...Well my little playa hater's, in the words of my good friend Steve, "You are not a girl" -Direct quote. So how do ya like them apples?

Wow, people with the disclaimer: "I only date Musicians" should do the world a favor and go down a bottle of painkillers and vodka.

I took this picture about a week ago.
It's really hard to cath Kissing Fish kissing.
Then I was cleaning the tanks this weekend and I noticed they were gone.
I thought they got sold.
It turns out one got sold.
I found the other on top of the tank.
He had jumped out.
There he was all dried up.
It made me sick.
But, I still have the picture from last week of them kissing.

So besides having people tell me that my hair makes me look really emo, or like Kelly Osbourne (did I spell her name worng?), it has now been determined that my hair also makes me look like the bad guy/girl from Captian Planet with the hair that covers half her face and you never get to see the other half. There will be no pictures of this posted because if you actually know what the hell I'm talking about, you fucking rule.

I sang opera for 2 and a half hours yesterday. Seriously, if I get a piano I'm NEVER leaving my house....Unless I find a cute accompanist that is.

I am such a loser.

I have a stab wound in my foot, so whenever I kick box it opens up and starts oozing and bleeding.
HIM:You're foot's bleeding!
ME:I know, I got stabbed in the foot.
HIM:EEEEWWWW! Don't touch it! How'd you get stabbed in the foot?
ME:It was my Birthday, me and my friends were making anklets out of zip ties and I got one on too tight, so my friend was cutting it off.
HIM:But how did your foot get stabbed?
ME:We were drunk.
HIM:How old are you?
ME:20
HIM:You're not old enough to drink.
ME:I am in Canada...and Mexico.

I can't walk as fast in stilletos and that really aggravates me. Plus, I can't understand how two super think pieces of metal are supporting my entire body weight. These are going to break. Damn it! I never was good at rocking girly wear...that'll teach me.

So, Thanksgiving is coming up...This means that I have to see my family. Alone. Because all of my friends that could accompany me as a lifesaver/attention deflector are going to spend Thanksgiving with their families. Crap. That means I get a lecture, my cute cousin won't play with me because he's 5 and I'm a girl with cooties, and my aunt and grandmother are going to try to auction me off to a nice Jewish boy because they believe that marriage to a doctor or lawyer will solve all my problems....fun, fun, fun.

On the upside: The cutest boy in the entire world ever will be in town for Thanksgiving!
On the downside: He will only be in town for 18 hours, so I may not get to see him. Such is my life.

Me and one of the guys I box with:
ME: You know, contrary to popular belief, I am still a girl.
HIM: You are not a girl.
ME: I am too! I just happen to enjoy lots of tomboyish things, like: knives, guns, boxing, comic books, video games, and gambling....BUT I'm a still a girl!
HIM: You're not a girl, you're an alien.
ME: I AM TOO A GIRL!!! I wear dresses and play dress up! Armon came home the other night and caught me playing dress up and taking pictures and then I got all embarrassed, I swear! Ask him!
ARMON: I have no idea what she's talking about.
HIM: That's what I thought. Alien.

These conversations just kill me:
ME: So, have you ever jizzed in a girl's ear before.
HIM: Yeah, she was pretty pissed.
ME: For Real? You are my new hero! How about in a girl's eye?
HIM: Yeah.
ME: Nose?
HIM: Yep.
ME: Was she pissed?
HIM: Yeah, she was really mad.
ME: Was it all the same girl? Because that would be hilarious.
HIM: No, but the eye and nose one were the same girl.
ME: Well that's understandable.

That is how it started. There I was in broad daylight, standing in the middle of an empty parking lot scribbling chalk graffiti and screaming like a crazy person. The loading truck drivers at Georgia power got a great laugh, I'm sure.
From there I drove for two hours going nowhere, just trying to get this one part of an aria right. I refused to call you and ask to borrow the piano because I'm the most stubborn girl in the world...and I was afraid you might touch me.

Go time again. It's dark out, which means I get to play sex kitten. I guess it's okay because that's your favorite game, only I forgot to mention that it bores me to death....did I wash that shirt.....WHAT DO YOU MEAN INTELLECTUAL CONVERSATION?!? I really like shoes. They make shoes in Italy. Italy was ruled by a faschist dictator in World War Two......How's that for your intellectual conversation? "Ok, ok. I'm sorry darling, I was just teasing...Yeah, I'll show you teasing...Some other time, such as never." Oops, did I say that out loud?

I went and watched the sunrise, smoked my second cigarette (I didn't like it.), and sang songs on the roof top of an empty warehouse. Fantastic view. This will be my new hidden treasure. I love the sunrise. I forgot how lucky you are to be an insomniac. Uuuummm, insomnia, creativity, and a handful of bad art. My voice is too tired to sing anymore. Photography it is. I still can't even really use my camera.
I headed home and decided to play dress up. I pulled off my muddy chalk covered jeans and opted to skip the shower before slipping into my white, senior-prom-sucked-ass dress. Two hours of rolling around on the bed and the floor and I finally fell asleep. Still wearing the dress.

I have an intense love for the rain and all things that are sick, sad, or broken. Not because I'm morbid. Just because I love to fix things. I love to love the unloved. I'm only slightly biased in my love for rain, because I only love rain when it pours fat rain drops that splatter into oblivion when they hit the pavement. I do not love the rain today.

I went roller skating for my birthday and suprisingly enough I didn't fall and break my neck in hot pink wings and a tiara. There are more embarrassing ways to die I suppose.

I have a crush on a pair of twinkling eyes and a radiant smile. I can't dance with you. Or even look you in the eyes. You don't know me, but if you did you'd know why.

Tomorrow I will no longer be a teenager. It's about fuckin' time!

I got my camera...and a buzznet account

GO VISIT

I haven't kissed anyone in over a month: SOMEONE CALL GUINNESS!

Last night someone asked me what I was doing musically. I tried to explain to them, that I attempt to write songs, but it's too hard without an instrument and a certain knowledge of theory. Then I said, "I mostly sing jazz and classical. I'm in love with Coloratora." They didn't know what the hell I was talking about. I get my electric piano in December, but it seems like forever away and in December, I will have no home to practice at, and it will be too cold to sing outside. Although, singing outside in the wintertime does look beautiful.

I spoke to a boy I absolutely adore last night. He was looking for comfort. I don't know if I helped, but I hope I did. He is currently completely in love and turmoil, and it's utterly endearing. She sounds like the perfect match for him. I hope he marries her, or at least stays in, love for a long, long time and feels like everything is surreal. I told him that the distance wasn't so bad, at least she's not across an ocean anymore. I really love it when he's happy.

I want someone to dance with me anywhere I go, on any spur of the moment, whimsical fancy...singing while dancing is always a plus...not too much to ask.

So, I think I'm getting a digital camera this weekend....we will see. If I do, I probably won't know how to use it. Huuuummm....? It all depends on how my blingin' pay check is.

Yesterday I found out that the boy I went to my 8th grade dance with died. I didn't really know what to feel, no one I've ever kissed (on the cheek) or danced with or made $1 "I-bet-you-won't-eat-that" lunchtime bets with has ever died. I wish I cried for him, but I couldn't. I'm going to the funeral this weekend and my little Bro's coming in town. I can't stand to see Zachie cry, and I'm sure he will. He's really upset. I think I'm mostly just confused. I'm sorry Davy, it was way too soon. I'm sorry Zachie, don't be so sad.

I should have saved this for my more serious blog, but I'm going through one of the hardest things in my life right now, so everything feels serious. I will be light hearted again soon. Seriously, I play with puppies as a profession. But for now I want to explode with emotion and I can't because I'm emotionally dysfunctional, so instead I write and sing and sing and write and here it is, not even the half of it:

On Monday I was writing a sad song about you.

"...Because I'm drowning in your eyes and I can't stay and watch you die tonight..."

I daydream in July.
And I can never see the stars underneath the cloudy sky...
Until last night.

I was heartbroken and violently happy at the same time.
I saw you smile for the first time in forever and it illuminated the world.
You said the only word I've ever wanted to hear.
"Stay."

Beacuse I've never loved anyone the way I love you, but I could never touch you or tell you. So instead I'll stay and try not to be afraid.

I've left a hundred times and I've seen the ones I love deteriorate before my eyes.
But you said to stay, so I swear I'll try.
Because you said, "If you don't stay, I'm sure I'm gonna die."