Tuesday, August 31, 2004
YAY! Benz is coming to save me from college kids. We are going to go and drink pitchers and talk about how college kids suck and they think that post modernism is cool just because it's trendy. Then we are going to make fun of boys and laugh. I love my little Benz, she saves me from banging my head on a desk like Charlie Brown.
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Children on leashes never cease to amuse me. I saw one at the airport the other day and I cracked up for a good five minutes.
I think for my birthday I should have an old skool slumber party....only I need more friends that are girls first....actually I think my guy friends would come, over wear Pj's, and let me paint their nails and do their hair....Sweet!
yeah I spelled school, "skool" and what of it?
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yeah I spelled school, "skool" and what of it?
Monday, August 30, 2004
I hate it when strangers give me appearance compliments. As if I'm not awkward enough as it is! The worst part is that they usually look you in the eyes when they do it. I hardly even like letting my friends and family look me in the eyes, more or less some stranger. That and I kinda like to walk around alone with my head down and pretend that no one ever looks at me. When someone tells you directly that they like how you look, it makes doing that sort of thing impossible because now you know that they're looking at you. I've been this way since I was a kid. My stepmom used to yell at me so much about looking at the ground all the time, that I once went two weeks where all I did was stare at the ceiling whenever I walked around or addressed anyone. After I gave that up, due to a very sore neck, I tried to walk around everywhere with my face in a book, but I kept running into things.
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I have a huge crush on Dominique Swain, but she stars in some of the worst movies on the planet and I'm not allowed to rent them.
Oooh, speaking of rent...I got a new place to live until December. I think when I move for real I'm just gonna sell all my furniture, and my computer, so all I will bring with me will be books, clothes, blankets, pillows, and Trixie. I'm going to be a minimalist...and then people will be really weirded out when they come to my apartment because it will be a big empty rooms with books, and clothes lining the walls and a heapof blankets and pillows in the middle that will be my bed. Poor life is fun. No, really. It is.
My sister left yesterday. I really wanted to cry because I was really happy and sad at the same time,which is an awful feeling. My little sister is taller then me, has champagne colored blond hair, and looks and acts older. Her favorite color is pink, she doesn'tlike tomatoes, she always wears make-up, she listens to cool music, and she owns the "Jesus is my homeboy T-shirt". I think she is my newest favorite person(2nd to my dad of course, because he is always my favorite). We went to Six Flags and watched movies and talked about tricks for not reading dumb ass high school books...and I miss her so much already. Maybe she will move in with me in a year or two. That would be fantastic. What else....I dunno,I'm excited, I've never had close family and she really likes me and I really love her and I kind of want to give her the whole world. I've never felt like that about anyone. I wonder if that's how all siblings feel? I wish I could've been there when she was a kid, I bet she was really fun and cute. She's also really mature, I assume that's just because she jumped out of the womb grown-up already. I think we both did. Ok, enough of my happy banter. Awww, she gone! That sucks! Does anyone want to come and hang out with me now that I'm sisterless?
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Friday, August 27, 2004
So, tonight I get a fourteen year old sister to hang out with all weekend. This means I must rid my apartment of booze, porn, and smokables. I don't have plans for tonight....um, I really hope she likes me. Tomorrow morning I am going to play Jewish by going to schul. I hope I don't get too many dirty looks for having tattoos behind my ears. Yay! Gearing up for the high holidays will be fun...not! I have lots of stuff for repenting. Man, this makes me sound like a damn fool! All I'm doing this semester is studying, working, and reading the Torah. Does anyone remember when I used to be fun and go out and do stuff? Someone go find Brooke for me or something. Miranda's a lame ass.
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Thursday, August 26, 2004
If someone could find me a large picture of Neil Patrick Harris from his "Doogie Howser M.D." days so I can screen print it onto a tee shirt, I will love you.
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He was just kidding.
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It's the first week of school and I made a friend! And by made, I mean I talked to a guy I had class with spring semester, but whatever. I talked to someone the first week of school and that must be a record or something. Whoo college!
P.S. I just got called a big slut who defends other big sluts by my best friend.
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P.S. I just got called a big slut who defends other big sluts by my best friend.
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
I'm in a nightmare. Someone please wake me up.
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Tuesday, August 24, 2004
AND NOW: THE "I GREATLY DISLIKE HUGS STORY" (which really isn't a story at all)
I greatly dislike hugs. I think that if maybe I hated stuuf I might even be capable of hating them. There is almost nothing that makes me feel as akward and uncomfortable as a hug, not hug giving though, I like giving them, I just hate being hugged myself. Ewwww...hugs! It just so happens that I have a very huggy best friend and he will never get this. According to him I need, and I mean, I really need to learn to like being hugged. No can do Amigo. There are just waaaaay too many scary hugging possibilities. First, there are the people who hug and do the gross creepy backrub thing. Ick. Or the people that pat, and they usually pat to hard or something. Then there's the people that hold you too hard like they're trying to suffocate you. Or the ones that give you the half assed dead zombie fish type hugs, like they've somehow lost feeling in their limbs, but for some reason they just managed to drape their dying appendages around your body. And lastly, there are the really creepy, hold on for way too long huggers. They hold you and usually they are a combo of too tight hugger with hold on too long hugger, so they hold you way too long and hard and you can't get out and, and, and......OHMIG-D! Just the thought of it makes me want to run away while screaming and spewing showers of projectile vomit all at the same time. Ok. There is your explanation. So, don't hug me, especially when I'm upset because then I might just punch you in the face or puke in your face and the run away screaming while still puking.
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I greatly dislike hugs. I think that if maybe I hated stuuf I might even be capable of hating them. There is almost nothing that makes me feel as akward and uncomfortable as a hug, not hug giving though, I like giving them, I just hate being hugged myself. Ewwww...hugs! It just so happens that I have a very huggy best friend and he will never get this. According to him I need, and I mean, I really need to learn to like being hugged. No can do Amigo. There are just waaaaay too many scary hugging possibilities. First, there are the people who hug and do the gross creepy backrub thing. Ick. Or the people that pat, and they usually pat to hard or something. Then there's the people that hold you too hard like they're trying to suffocate you. Or the ones that give you the half assed dead zombie fish type hugs, like they've somehow lost feeling in their limbs, but for some reason they just managed to drape their dying appendages around your body. And lastly, there are the really creepy, hold on for way too long huggers. They hold you and usually they are a combo of too tight hugger with hold on too long hugger, so they hold you way too long and hard and you can't get out and, and, and......OHMIG-D! Just the thought of it makes me want to run away while screaming and spewing showers of projectile vomit all at the same time. Ok. There is your explanation. So, don't hug me, especially when I'm upset because then I might just punch you in the face or puke in your face and the run away screaming while still puking.
I want a tattoo of Pangea with the borders of modern day countries drawn in. If anyone can design that for me I will be eternally greatful.
THE "I GREATLY DISLIKE HUGS STORY" COMING SOON TO A BLOG NEAR YOU...
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Monday, August 23, 2004
I hate the first day of school. Not because of the learning part. I love learning because I'm a huge dorkass and I like to read and study and write papers. I hate the first day of school because of the people and the bullshit. I just ran around to 5 different departments and I still can't register for Biology and I got lost and had to ask for directions. "How long have you been here?" "Just two years." Blah! Oh well, now I'm found and I have fun classes and I'm going to study and be a dorky hermit for all semester. No one hold me to that.
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Sunday, August 22, 2004
I'm swimming in a sea of psychosis. My mother is in a psychiatric hospital right now and she has been diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic, which makes a lot of sense. I'm going to help her because no one else will and she's sick. I think I may have to take custody of her and check her into an institution in Arkansas because her insurance won't cover her to stay as a long term patient in Tennessee. So basically, I have to pick her up and drive her to a hospital that she doesn't want to go to and after she gets out she can't live alone so I don't really know what the fuck I'm gonna do about that. The thing that really bothers me about all this is that I shouldn't give a fuck what happens to her because she pretty much dumped me like yesterday's trash. Only I can't help but maybe think that her mistakes may have been based on illness. WHY, FUCKING WHY? She's not an adult. My parents are both fucking diseased and in denial and I take care of them. I'm stressed out. Then there's my best friends one is sick and told me last night that she needs to go to a hospital because she's going crazy and the drugs are making her cough up blood a lot...and my other one's sad. And I couldn't even say what I am right now because have so much going on. I'm helping her. I don't know why. For some reason I'm putting helping her in front of helping someone that I care a great deal more about, I guess it's the blood relative thing. FUCK! I'm still a teenager.
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Saturday, August 21, 2004
Armon has the cutest nieces ever. We were just downstairs and the little one, May was standing in a puddle of orange juice. She had poked a hole in the side of her cup with her straw. I tilted the cup sideways to save the remaining juice, then I put it in a sippy cup for her. I think she tried to talk to me in Persian. Don't get me wrong, I like kids and all, but I will never have any. I'm just going to steal my Bro's children and get them all fired up on brownie ice cream and coke for breakfast, then they will be hyper and happy and I'll give them back.
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I love, love, love my friends! Sometimes I like to go all retardo sappy on them and tell them so because it's funny when boys blush.I let one of them cut my hair and it looks kind of funny. Then, the night before last I sat on the balcony in formal wear with one and we smoked cigars, drank daquiris, and then played poker while watching "The Family Guy". Classy.
I came home yesterday and found out that he had shot himself. The other was on the floor surrounded by bottles and pills. There was music playing. He woke up. The whole ordeal was utterly morbid and I was numb. I told him that beingnumb and detatched all the time isn't so bad, but I think really it might be. Nothing ever brings suprise or passion or pain. It's an odd way to live. Maybe his will pass over. We tried to drive to the beach last night in the storm. It would have been nice to watch chaotic waves and hope that some greater force wold come and shatter us. We didn't make it. Turned around and now we are back.
I got a new car and it's pretty blue and newer and a stick shift so I can drive like real. YES! Also, I think I'm moving either in January or May...more details on this later. I'm sick of Georgia. I will not know anybody or own much of anything because I'm selling all my stuff. So basically, it's like me turning 18 again. More fun to come I suppose...
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I came home yesterday and found out that he had shot himself. The other was on the floor surrounded by bottles and pills. There was music playing. He woke up. The whole ordeal was utterly morbid and I was numb. I told him that beingnumb and detatched all the time isn't so bad, but I think really it might be. Nothing ever brings suprise or passion or pain. It's an odd way to live. Maybe his will pass over. We tried to drive to the beach last night in the storm. It would have been nice to watch chaotic waves and hope that some greater force wold come and shatter us. We didn't make it. Turned around and now we are back.
I got a new car and it's pretty blue and newer and a stick shift so I can drive like real. YES! Also, I think I'm moving either in January or May...more details on this later. I'm sick of Georgia. I will not know anybody or own much of anything because I'm selling all my stuff. So basically, it's like me turning 18 again. More fun to come I suppose...
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
Does anyone know if I can get a library card with a fake ID? I have a fake ID and I need a new library card, only I owe the library about $75 that I don't have. If I do this will I get arrested? If yes, then anyone and everyone feel free to give me books. Any books. My writing isn't entertaining me anymore and I think I might not have anything to do this semester. P.S. I'll give your books back to you I swear!
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IMPORTANT:
Mary is coming in town tomorrow. Anyone who wants to hang out and hug block is more than welcome. Or if you want to pretend that you're my siamese twin and go everywhere that I go so I don't have to be alone with her...that's cool too. I mean, yeah technically she's my mom and you'd think she would have noticed something like that she gave birth to siamese twins, but if she asks just tell her that you developed somewhere in the 13 years that she wasn't around. Thank you all. If you do this I will be your trophy wife for the week and cook for you and clean your house in heels and pearls (only if you buy me pearls first though because I don't really own any).
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Mary is coming in town tomorrow. Anyone who wants to hang out and hug block is more than welcome. Or if you want to pretend that you're my siamese twin and go everywhere that I go so I don't have to be alone with her...that's cool too. I mean, yeah technically she's my mom and you'd think she would have noticed something like that she gave birth to siamese twins, but if she asks just tell her that you developed somewhere in the 13 years that she wasn't around. Thank you all. If you do this I will be your trophy wife for the week and cook for you and clean your house in heels and pearls (only if you buy me pearls first though because I don't really own any).
I'm back from Idaho. Brad is writing the long version on his blog. My car is broken. My computer is broken. I'm about $5,000 in debt....but on the upside....I GOT A NEW JOB and a dollar!!! And tomorrow I will get another one at which I will get to play with puppies all day, only I won't love them as much because they won't be small and sick. I love my sense of humor because if I didn't find this all to be so funny and sickly ironic, I'd probably cry right now....Also, Greg is in town with his awesome girlfriend who I just met and we all hung out the night before last and played scrabble, then last night we made pot brownies and watched a great zombie movie...MY FRIENDS RULE!
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Thursday, August 12, 2004
Tonight I went to 80's night and I flicked someone off in the best way possible. I stuck up my middle finger, smiled, and then performed what looked like a mock fellatio on the finger, all while looking him dead in the eyes.
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Boys are icky. Men are ickier.
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The next person to tell me I get used or that I act like a victim will be punched in the face. Hard. I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself. Thanks.
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Wednesday, August 11, 2004
Today I was talking to my dad (who is the coolest man in the enitre world), and I made a joke and told him that no man would ever be crazy enough to marry me and he totally freaked out. I haven't heard him lose it like that since I was 15 and I cut my hair short. The valuable lesson here is to never ever joke with my dad about marriage, because after that I said I was just kidding and that the nice catholic, womanizing mulatto boy downstairs would be more than happy to marry me and take me back to his homeland. He didn't find that to be very amusing either. Also, never EVER joke with your best friend's uber religious parents about how you are going to make him convert to orthodox judaism so he can marry you. Overall lesson: Marriage jokes are not funny, they make the parents lose it.
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Fuck. I just woke up and I feel like shit. I was supposed to go to karoke with Mercedes, only I was too drunk to drive and she fell asleep. I drank more last night than I've drank since high school. 7 beers. Shut up, no laughing allowed! I feel sick today and I'm dizzy and my head hurts and I'm about to go apply for jobs. Also, I'm comvered in odd scars. I think I was talking shit like it should've been an olympic event. I'm good at that sort of thing.
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Tuesday, August 10, 2004
I smiled and said, "I'm quirky. That means I'm loveable crazy."
Last night was fun. I dressed all hot in a boy scout shirt. You know you have a good outfit when boys look and their girlfriends give you dirty looks. I hung out with an old friend and drank enough to make us both say too much. He said that great sex makes your sheets look like murder. Time for me to leave. I got out of there quickly, with no wounds to show for it. It was slightly funny. Then again I always find it slightly funny when my guy friends try to hit on me. It's a lost cause boys.
My next few weeks look like this: This weekend I am going to Idaho, the weekend after that the egg donor comes in town (ahhh!), the week after that my little sister will be here, and the week after that I am running out of town to spend a long weekend with an old friend. If all goes right, we will make each other laugh until we spew alcoholic beverages out of our noses.
I threw myself against the wall and said, "He's so dreamy. I wnat to marry him."
"That's sick. It kind of makes me want to piss on you or something." he replied.
"That's hot." I said.
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Last night was fun. I dressed all hot in a boy scout shirt. You know you have a good outfit when boys look and their girlfriends give you dirty looks. I hung out with an old friend and drank enough to make us both say too much. He said that great sex makes your sheets look like murder. Time for me to leave. I got out of there quickly, with no wounds to show for it. It was slightly funny. Then again I always find it slightly funny when my guy friends try to hit on me. It's a lost cause boys.
My next few weeks look like this: This weekend I am going to Idaho, the weekend after that the egg donor comes in town (ahhh!), the week after that my little sister will be here, and the week after that I am running out of town to spend a long weekend with an old friend. If all goes right, we will make each other laugh until we spew alcoholic beverages out of our noses.
I threw myself against the wall and said, "He's so dreamy. I wnat to marry him."
"That's sick. It kind of makes me want to piss on you or something." he replied.
"That's hot." I said.
Monday, August 09, 2004
He slapped me in the face and said, "Bitch." Quick, try to look insulted...Too late, I looked at him, then looked down, smiled, bit my lip, and laughed.
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This is how I'm spending my Monday. I'm hanging out with Trixie. First we're going to the petstore to buy flea shampoo, nail clippers, and rawhide. Then, we're going to the park for a while. Finally, we will come back to my apartment and clean. And by that, I really mean that I will clean and Trixie will chase around stuffed animals that I toss around for her.
Sunday, August 08, 2004
I am on my back on a rooftop watching the world go by. Everything is moving very fast and I am still, like a pause in time. Verdi is playing in my head and I begin to weep. I can't listen to opera anymore. It makes me remember too many forgotten things. It makes me wonder how things should have been. It makes me wonder if I would have evr fallen. I can't listen to opera anymore. It makes me miss my youth, when I thought I knew everything, but I really knew nothing. It reminds me of that feeling that is better than a thousand orgasms. Sul fil d'un sofio etesio...I can't listen to opera anymore. Le magica compiando scoro le al la canzone...I can't sing opera anymore and it swims in my mind and my heart all the time.Mi piace bello, bello...The passion is gone and I weep on my knees.Veini o veh amore...Will this pain never end?Pace pace o vita mia...It is over. It is done and this is who I am now. I can't listen to opera anymore because it breaks my heart.Mi moreri, eh che voleche...I listen to opera alone and I cry in the darkDi vendetta il core favalla...Opera makes me remember those eyes and sighs and that blissful feeling that I will never have again. I miss it everyday, but I can not listen to opera anymore. Al fin respiro.
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Monday, August 02, 2004
First, I would like to send out a big "FUCK YOU!" to Georgia Tech. Those bastards won't let me transfer in January because I'm 3 credits short mind you I took summer school classes for this specific reason therefore, I'm stuck at my boring ass, intellectually defunct college for another year and I can't take my science major courses because they won't transfer over to Tech because their program is too posh or some shit. "FUCK YOU!" This super sucks. Someone make me happy right now.
P.S. Karma, don't you owe me big time or some shit by now?
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P.S. Karma, don't you owe me big time or some shit by now?
Sunday, August 01, 2004
I made this. It's a zombie pirate and a ninja battling on the high seas.
Breaks always lead to interesting events...I just finished a late lucnh with Armon. We went to the Hard Rock Cafe because neither of us had ever been. After we sat down we almost left because we realized that the place was full of children. I however, told Armon that we should get used to them or something, and besides that would be a really shitty thing to do, especially since the place had a hostess and everything. The meal was ok. The food was over priced. The music was absolute shit. And our waitress was acting like she did a bump every time before she came to the table. Then something very bizzare happened. Will Smith's "Gettin' Jiggy With It"started booming and the people began to dance. "Let's hurry with this pie" Then, the Village People's "YMCA" came on and people all over the restaurant began top sing and dance. It was like a bad nightmare. Armon and I walked really fast, only there were all of these people blocking the door,so we ran outside. I started yelling and I was laughing and crying so hard at the same time that I fell on the ground in the middle of downtown Atlanta still screaming, "AHHHHHHH! WHAT...THE FUCK...JUST HAPPEND!?!?" We didn't know. I sayed on the ground for about 3 minutes until I could breathe again and then we left.
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I just took a break from typing my boring ass research paper on some stupid shit that I don't really care about. I went out and bought my first pack of cigarttes, Marlboro reds, and a lighter. I love the city. I strolled around downtown and listened to rap music blaring through car windows. First, I met Marcus. He caught me leaving Underground and I gave him my first cigarette. Marcus said he just chills all day. I left him and kept walking to Woodruff Park. The park was packed with people sleeping on benches, sitting in the shade, playing chess, and screaming about Jesus through a megaphone. Thomas was sitting on a bench smoking. He yelled for me to come sit next to him because I looked tired, which I found ironic because Thomas was in his 60's and he looked like the tiredest man I had ever seen. I sat down and Thomas and I talked about school and how he drives a truck and he might move to Washington. I told him that being the southern girl that I am I would never move to Washington because they have all that frozen snow stuff and it's cold. I got up and kept walking. Mark stopped me next. He didn't want a cigarette, he wanted my number, so I kindly declined his offer and kept going. I walked past a fountain and thought really hard about wether or not I should jump in it because I was covered in sweat at this point. Nope. The next encounter was intense. I walked into a group of about 15 homeless people (oh, yeah all of these people were homeless, I forgot to mention that), and I was swarmed like I was Santa Claus. "Can I have a cigarette?" I met Joe, and Tanya, and Mike, and a bunch of other names I can't remember. I told them that I didn't really smoke, I just carried cigarettes around for meeting people. They thanked me and I kept walking and this is my favorite part. I met a guy with a name that I couldn't understand and he was walking around shirtless with a bird feather in his hair. He was covered in tattoos that he had given himself. He told me he was from Alabama and he used to run with the black panthers. He had a blck panther tattoo on his arm. I gave him 3 cigarettes, because he was that cool. The last person I met was named Pharoh, like an egyptian king. He was wearing a green suit and I think he was a pimp. He asked me for a light and then he asked me if I was a lesbian. I said sometimes. He then asked me for some weed and told me he was a lawyer. Pharoh is from Chichago and he has a quarter sleeve of hieroglyphics on his right arm. I told him good bye and good luck on his buisness ventures and headed back to the computer lab. I think buying cigarettes is my new favorite activity, unless I start buying homeless people cold beer or something.
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OHMIGOSH! I met the most beautiful girl in the entire world last night, only for some odd reason I don't think people realize that she is the most beautiful girl in the entire world and I find that to be very strange. She loves everyone and everything and I guess I just never thought that anyone else existed like that. We were talking last night about how we both felt out of place eveywhere because no one else seems to be in love with the world. THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD! I love all the people and places and things and they fascinate me and I just want everyone to be happy and she is the same way. She also said that she'd go help the world with me (because it doesn't need saving) so I think we may join the red cross together or something along those lines. The whole thing made me want to cry, only I was working so I couldn't. She doesn't know it yet, but we are going to be best friends.
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