Distracted Discourse

The world of grown ups makes me boring. I have three jobs. I cry over things I can't control. My puppies love me and so will the kids. I am very religious and it still creeps me out. I schedule every minute of my time becaus eif I have free time I roll back and fourth and make groaning noises because I don't know what to do. Whenever I'm home I bake. I don't have a boyfriend. This is not a travesty. I like being alone. Why don't you understand that? Don't try to set me up with friends or friends of friends. They make me too nervous. Don't touch me. I'm aware that I'm a good kisser. No, I don't need a hug, and for the love of G-d NEVER touch me when I cry.

I'm dissapearing for a while.

I recorded you a song.
I saved a copy for me too.
Tears stream down our cheeks in unison.

I wonder if yours are golden? I always expected them to be because your eyes are such a deep green with a sparkling ring of gold inside. I imagined that when you cried all that sparkle would flow out of your eyes and fall to the ground.

We are a hundred miles apart.
You knew it had to be this way.
Because somehow you were the wiser one.
I didn't mean for the song to be sad.
It's just true.
Maybe all we ever were was a sad story that someone made up once upon a time.

I am sitting in my room singing along and thinking of you.
"There's a place for us, a time and place for us....."

I can save the world,
but I can't save you.

Someone called me Mysterious Miranda yeaterday. I replied, "I'm not Mysterious, just quiet and highly unavailable."

Speaking of names...my new name is REX ADVENTURE. Just because.

I think people should bring back wearing formal wear 24/7.

My dad is a frat boy. Not only does he do keg stands,and moon my friends, he also laughs about wood polishing jokes. (Armon and I went over to get cleaning chemicals yesterday and I said Armon needed wood polish...we all laughed for a food five minutes.)

So, I am going to be working with the Cancer patients at the children's hospital or the kidney/liver transplant patients. I think that this is a good enough reason to stay in Georgia. I also think that this is going ot somehow change my life big time. Bigger than blue lights big time. Bigger than I woke up a few weeks ago and thought to myself "shit, I can't even pretned to be a kid anymore big time." The point here is: I need a roomate and a cheap house to rent. A cheap house where I can keep a big dog and me and Trixie, and roomate. Quiet is preferable. Not in Atlanta is preferable. I must get out of Atlanta A.S.A.P. Otherwise I think I might get sucked into the downward spiral....I will need to be close enough to drive to the city and work though...tricky, very tricky. Any ideas?

NON-DATE SEARCH:

Hi. My name is Miranda and I am looking for a non-date. This may include: dinner, opera tickets (if not terribly expensive), a movie if no opera, playing with small animals, sidewalk chalk....and yeah, who knows. There will be NO: Kissing, or intimacy beyond kissing...possible hand holding or hugging...and ABSOLUTELY NO CUDDLING. Looking for male or female applicants.

I think I'm going to go on a sleeping fast becuase then maybe if I'm really tired my dreams will stop making me want to wake up and kill myself.

Someone asked me to tell a joke the other day:

ME: I don't know any jokes.
THEM: Come on, you have to know at least one joke.
ME: ok, ok, I got one. So a guy walks into a bar...and says, "OUCH!"

It's times like that when I wish I always had the chirping cricket sound effect on me.

I have this drive somewhere inside of me that makes me feel like I never give enough. But how much of yourself can you really give away to the world? It makes me feel very selfish sometimes...And then it makes me feel very alone at others because I always wonder if anyone else feels or thinks this way, but I don't think they do. I'm starting a job at a children's hospital where I get to go read, play video games, watch movies, or sing to sick children. I can't wait.

I met the most amazingly non-threatening man last night. He is my friend's older brother and he has a girlfriend. Last night he played me opera songs and pop quizzed me on what they were. I got them right, of course. He played moonlight sonata's third movement flawlessly and I forced myself not to tear up. I told him all about opera songs and which ones sound like magic if sung properly. He has the most brilliant smile I've ever seen in my entire life. Thank G-d he has a girlfriend, otherwise I'd be in heaps of trouble! I am going to steal his piano on Sunday and sing, until I can't anymore. Le sigh.

I went to see The Faint last night and they rickety rocked my socks off...my leg warmers too. I yelled and danced until I was covered in sweat and dizzy and felt like passing out! YAY!!! I can't believe I almost ran out because the crowd got me anxious...more specifically an ex in the crowd got me anxious. I'm such a stupid girl sometimes. Ok, most of the time. Fine, I said it! I also saw my long lost awesome high school friends, Patrick, Jayna, and Ben. Then they came over and watched "Cannibal: The Musical" complete with liquored up commentary. Ah, la vita e dolce.

My best friend is trying to set me up on a date with a piano playing, soon-to-be doctor. I'm going to chicken out. 1.) Because the word "date" terrifies me. 2.) because I will fall in love with anyone who can sight-read Menotti and 3.) Because if my father hears the words "doctor" and "date" in a sentence referring to me, he will have wedding invitations printed immediately.

My dad called me yesterday and inquired about a letter my Grandma sent me:
HIM: So what did Mimi send you?
ME: Oh, just some articles.
HIM: What kind of articles.
ME: Articles of Confederation.
HIM: What?
ME: Huh?
HIM: What are you talking about?
ME: It was a joke dad.
HIM: What?
ME: Nevermind.

I saw a girl in my psychology class wearing a shirt that said this: "I came to college to meet my husband." It was baby pink...I could go on, but I'm gonna be nice and not even go there.

I am currently wearing a shirt I got at the thrift store. The label says, "Bubble Shirt". It looks funny and feels like wearing paper.

Oh yeah, my cell phone is found. If you want to party on Saturday call me!

Can anyone else tell that I've been off my aderall for five and a half months?

With every new season I get flooded with old memories. I was driving yesterday with my windows down when it hit me. I was singing along to the same old songs that I always sing to this time of year when I suddenly realized that I'll probably never see him again. I felt like I got punched really hard in the stomach and my eyes welled up- with tears, but I couldn't cry. He is my favorite memory. Actually he is all of my favorite memories. I have never loved one person so much, and I don't think I ever will again. He and I, we were closer than family. I once filled him up a jar with a hundred oragami stars all with nice things written to him on the insides. I told him if he was ever sad or he missed me too much, to open one up and read it. I wonder if he still has any left? When we were in sixth grade I gave him a box of lucky charms with only the heart shaped marshmellows in it. It took me 12 boxes of picking them all out before I could fill the one box up. The funny thing is I didn't even like Lucky Charms I just liked him. He was the first boy that kissed me and I told him it was gross. He was the first boy to see me cry. He was the olny other 9 year old who hid in the tree with me at recess. He was the first person I told my real name to. I was the first person he told his real name to. He is my favorite memory. I miss you always.

WEEKEND RECAP:

FIGHT NIGHT: Fucking rocked! My favorite part was when a guy got roundhoused to the head and got knocked out! I won't get to in depth with the fighting because I think that may bore everyone but me and a few other readers who fight to death....I can wait till I have my first tournament.

I went to a haunted house with my friend Lindsey. It was called 13 stories, so we thought you had to make it to the top a building...false. What a rip off and we were the only people there that were not in high school. Double Lame.

When I was in eighth grade I went through this clothing phase where I liked to pretend that tennis skirts were actual skirts....I went to the thrift store yesterday and bought tennis skirts and sweaters, so I could cut off the sleeves for leg warmers. Now I am wearing tennis skirts with sweater sleeve leg warmers and pretending that they are real people clothes. I also bought the ugliest sweater on the planet. It is black with silver, gold, and brown spots...AND shoulder pads. It is my new favorite article of clothing.

PARTY AT MY PLACE ON THE 23RD!!! IT'S ARMON'S B-DAY! BRING STRANGERS, BOOZE, HOOKERS, SILLY STRING, TWISTER, TAPE, SPORKS, PUFFINS, AND UM...YEAH.
I would say to call me, only my cell phone has decided to dissapear, so e-mail me if you are interested: mbaras1@yahoo.com COME ONE, COME ALL!

This shit never gets old.....

Your Mom!!!

I saw "Casablanca" last night and it made me feel completely nostalgic. I loved the music! It made me miss my grandfather like crazy because he is the one who taught me how to sing when I was little. He would play music from the 30's and 40's on the organ, then he would teach me the songs line by line. He would sing a line, then make me sing it back.....I now have a permanant soft spot for old timey music. I think the first song I want to learn on my piano will be "As Time Goes By"...that probably makes me seem like a total cheese ball, but I like it, so I really don't care. ".....a kiss is just a kiss, a sigh is just a sigh....." It's beautiful.

I met my gay fiance. His name is Bobby and he is super hot and super gay. We are going to live in a 3 bedroom house, be married and do other people (because he's gay, duh!), adopt asian babies, and have Great Danes as pets.....and we will do lots and lots of shopping.....*

*Ok, not really. We will just be friends and go to the dog park a bunch...he's going to give me a Great Dane puppy! Note to Self: Get a house.

Also: I found a super secret thing in a secret location....if anyone wants to go, I'm going on Sunday...so call me and I'll explain all of this.

Police line ups are not as cool as the movies and TV make them out to be....but I guess that goes for just about anything you see in the movies or on TV.

THANK YOU KARMA!
Well, to top off my list of awesomeness (and trust me, I really fuckin' needed some awesomeness).....

1.) I am a pet store manager
2.) I got into University of New Mexico
3.) I got a full scholarship
4.) I'm not going...
5.) I'm going to a crap ass 2 year technical college to get a certification as a veteranary technician or nursing technician.....
6.) Then I'm going to real college to study opera (because I'm never really happy unless I'm singing)
7.) I'm also getting an electric piano for my birthday!!!

CURRENTLY, I LOVE EVERYTHING!!! Oh yeah, I still need a place to live if anyone is looking for roommates...

THINGS THAT FUCKING ROCK!

I am going to this. This is a fucking badass fight with Muy Thai, Boxing,No Holds Barred fighthing...and more. I have a front row seat so I get to see every flinch, hit, and if I'm really lucky I get splashed with blood and sweat. I'm way too fucking excited about this. For serious. I think I really must be a fifteen year old boy, because no girl is A.) This into sports and B.) Loves fighting this much.

Anytime I read the UNICEF website I cry because it makes me realize that I'm not doing anyhting.

My hair is blue-black and now I look indie. Someone save me.

I got the best job in the world ever. My old one and it pays crap, but I really don't care because it makes me super happy. Now I get to play with puppies all day and take care of the sickie sick ones and love them ten times more because they're sick and no one wants to hold a snotty puppy that will vomit all over you if you pick it up....except me that it. Ok, I'm going to stop now because I could talk forever about how much I love puppies, but then I'd sound like those weird people you see on Animal Planet who are obsessed with their pets. I'm really really excited so one last time: MY JOB FUCKING RULES!!! YAY!

I am so freaking shy and awkward that sometimes it hurts. Sometimes I feel like I'm watching myself when I interact with people and in my brain it's just like "cringe....wince....damn that girl just needs to chill out or develop some serious social skills." I was talking to one of my friends yesterday and he said that he thought I was on speed the first day he met me because if I get really nervous I talk fast and non-stop and fidget with everything. He said he felt really bad for me and he just wanted me to calm down and not have a heart attack. I think that's really funny....and it sums up my mass amounts of spaztastic.

Thank G-d for singing! I think if I couldn't sing, I'd be dead right now, seriously. I wrote the most kickass song this morning. It's called "Lullaby"

I lie awake
another sleepless night
too tired too see
too sad to cry
won't you sing me a lullaby

(insert Brahm's Weigenlied "lullaby" here)

I see your face
echo in my mind
but you're too far away
from me this time
I wish you were here
to sing me to sleep
I wish I was there
and yours to keep
because I'm too tired to see
and too sad to cry
I just want you
to sing me a lullaby

(insert last two lines of "Weigenlied")

All I need now is some piano and string music to go along.

Blue lights. By the time the police got there I was bleeding, shaking, and crying uncontrollably. Last night was real bad. I don't want to talk about what happened. I want to pretend like it never did. Once upon a time like yesterday morning I was overwhelmed by my love for the world and passion for living. Then my candle got blown out. Anyway, I don't feel like being alone or alive right now so if people want to call me and be really nice or come hang out and sing me songs, read me stories, or bring me overdosable amounts of heroin my number is (770) 374-5874. Currently I don't think I'll make it till twenty.

You know your girlfriend has found herself a good boyfriend when he doesn't get upset that you drew stick figures of you fucking his girlfriend doggie style with a strap-on on his wall.

NOTE TO SELF: Learn to spit fire. Then do so, naked.

I got busted for graffiti yesterday a la my sidewalk chalking all around the apartments. These are my two favs.
(There was an evil bunny rabbit drawn next to this with a sign saying, "WARNING: Objects are more evil than they appear.)
One innocent day at the "petstore" this bastard rabbit attacked my little brother Jimmy after Jimmy picked it up so he could feel how fluffy and cute it was(and yes, you can feel cute) anywayz, the point is that el stupido rabbit slashed Jimmy's Bracchial artery and now Jimmy is deader than Tanya Harding's ice skating career (5 year olds can't spell so fuck you) The point here is: FUCKING RABBIT

I think I got busted on that one because it said the F-word. I also wrote this:
Shhh...time never stops, but it freezes in pieces quicker than the flicker of a flame. Freeze Frame. I refrain from revealing what secrets lie dormant in my brain. Pause Rewind...,<--- I digress and I simply must confess that this journey I have taken you on was a total diversion a swerve away from the truth a distraction of the most abstract, however you may call this being "INSIGHTFUL" so take that.

I also wrote the fucking coolest song on the planet this morning. It has no words, just syllables. It sounds like crying, laughing,and screaming.

There is no way I can hold a weapon and not feel like a badass. (This includes Forks, Blenders, and Chop sticks.)]

I've found that the longer your legs are, the easier it is to kick people in the face. Therefore, I vow to never wear heels with less than five inches when going out of my humble abode. Evil Doers BEWARE!

(ok, fine I really won't do that, but it was a damn good idea. Besides who needs giant shoes for weapons when you have a very hideable knife on you at all times.)

G-d school is so boring!!!! I need a ball of yarn STAT...or some sidewalk chalk (I left mine in Athens).

I think the top three compliments I have ever recieved go like this:

1.) You sing like a flute.
2.) You are an enigma.
3.) You look like Anemi when you're naked. ( I think I spelled that wrong. )

wow, sometimes I'm really dimb and shallow...like right now...andsometimesmyspacebarbreaks...likeright now...