Tuesday, May 18, 2004
The stupidity of people never ceases to amaze me.
Why are people so unintelligent? Today I was driving down Peachtree and some woman stopped in the middle of the road in rush hour traffic. She looked absolutely terrified. As much as I really wnated to run her over, in Georgia you have to stop for pedestrians, so I let her walk. It took her about 5 minutes to decide if she was gonna walk or not. Ugh! I was irritated.
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Why are people so unintelligent? Today I was driving down Peachtree and some woman stopped in the middle of the road in rush hour traffic. She looked absolutely terrified. As much as I really wnated to run her over, in Georgia you have to stop for pedestrians, so I let her walk. It took her about 5 minutes to decide if she was gonna walk or not. Ugh! I was irritated.
Monday, May 10, 2004
If someone will tell me how to add links on this template, I will put my links back up.
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IF ONLY KNOWLEDGE WAS A WEAPON: I Would Load Up My Mind With Useless Bits of Information and Use It To KiLL.
Ice Pick: Contrary to popular belief, only one alligator has ever been found in the New York City sewer system. The 125 pound (57 kilogram) alligator was pulled out by four boys way back in 1935.
Crowbar: There are approximately ten million bricks in the Empire State Building.
Switch Blade:
A South Korean movie theater owner decided that the movie The Sound of Music was too long. His solution? He shortened the movie by cutting out all of the musical scenes!
Revolver: A South Korean movie theater owner decided that the movie The Sound of Music was too long. His solution? He shortened the movie by cutting out all of the musical scenes!
Shotgun: Frenchman Michel Lotito has a very unusual diet. Born on June 15, 1950, he has been consuming large quantities of metal and glass since he was nine years old. To date, he has eaten supermarket carts, television sets, bicycles, chandeliers, razor blades, bullets, nuts and bolts, lengths of chain, phonograph records, computers, and an entire Cessna 150 light aircraft (which took him nearly two years to consume). It seems that his body has adjusted to this unusual diet, as he eats nearly two pounds of metal every day. His technique includes lubricating his digestive tract with mineral oil, cutting the parts into bite-size pieces, and then consuming a large quantity of water while eating this junk. Most people would prefer a nice glass of wine with their dinner.
Grenade: In four separate instances between October 1987 and February 1988, small pink frogs rained down from the sky on to various parts of Great Britain. Scientists are still uncertain as to where these frogs originated, although some have traced them back to the Sahara desert.
Atomic Bomb: The most played song on American radio during the twentieth century was You've Lost That Loving Feeling which was written by Barry Mann, Phil Spector, and Cynthia Weil. Although recorded by different artists, the song is the only one in history to be played over 8 million times on the radio. That amounts to about 45 years if the song was played back to back! Three songs were played 7 million times: Never My Love, Yesterday, and Stand By Me (in that order).
*Come on America, we can do better than that!
I think my weapon of choice would be the revolver. Maybe I will write a scene into my next play where the characters are driven mad by a constant stream of useless fact spouted out by the villian, who shall of course be an English Professor. No one has more useless knowledge than English professors, except maybe theater professors. Huuuuummm.....
*I got all the facts from a goolge search for useless information.
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Ice Pick: Contrary to popular belief, only one alligator has ever been found in the New York City sewer system. The 125 pound (57 kilogram) alligator was pulled out by four boys way back in 1935.
Crowbar: There are approximately ten million bricks in the Empire State Building.
Switch Blade:
A South Korean movie theater owner decided that the movie The Sound of Music was too long. His solution? He shortened the movie by cutting out all of the musical scenes!
Revolver: A South Korean movie theater owner decided that the movie The Sound of Music was too long. His solution? He shortened the movie by cutting out all of the musical scenes!
Shotgun: Frenchman Michel Lotito has a very unusual diet. Born on June 15, 1950, he has been consuming large quantities of metal and glass since he was nine years old. To date, he has eaten supermarket carts, television sets, bicycles, chandeliers, razor blades, bullets, nuts and bolts, lengths of chain, phonograph records, computers, and an entire Cessna 150 light aircraft (which took him nearly two years to consume). It seems that his body has adjusted to this unusual diet, as he eats nearly two pounds of metal every day. His technique includes lubricating his digestive tract with mineral oil, cutting the parts into bite-size pieces, and then consuming a large quantity of water while eating this junk. Most people would prefer a nice glass of wine with their dinner.
Grenade: In four separate instances between October 1987 and February 1988, small pink frogs rained down from the sky on to various parts of Great Britain. Scientists are still uncertain as to where these frogs originated, although some have traced them back to the Sahara desert.
Atomic Bomb: The most played song on American radio during the twentieth century was You've Lost That Loving Feeling which was written by Barry Mann, Phil Spector, and Cynthia Weil. Although recorded by different artists, the song is the only one in history to be played over 8 million times on the radio. That amounts to about 45 years if the song was played back to back! Three songs were played 7 million times: Never My Love, Yesterday, and Stand By Me (in that order).
*Come on America, we can do better than that!
I think my weapon of choice would be the revolver. Maybe I will write a scene into my next play where the characters are driven mad by a constant stream of useless fact spouted out by the villian, who shall of course be an English Professor. No one has more useless knowledge than English professors, except maybe theater professors. Huuuuummm.....
*I got all the facts from a goolge search for useless information.
Today I Went To the Book Store
ME: I'd like to sell back my text books.
CLERK: Ok, I'll take these 6, these last 2 are of no value.
ME: Damn! Oh, I'm sorry.
CLERK: (laughing) It's ok. Your cash back is going to be $60.00
ME: Sweet.
I take the money and browse the bookstore...bad idea.
ME: oooh, Dracula is only $2.50...and they have Cat on a Hot Tin Roof for $9.95
INNER MONOLOGUE: No, your phone and internet bills are due and you haven't started at Intermezzo yet, you need the money.
ME: Awwww, but just two books....Oh man, they have Shakespeare too.
INNER MONOLOGUE: Miranda, NO!
ME: But....
INNER MONOLOGUE: I said no!
ME: Fine. Be that way.
INNER MONOLOGUE: Fine. I will.
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ME: I'd like to sell back my text books.
CLERK: Ok, I'll take these 6, these last 2 are of no value.
ME: Damn! Oh, I'm sorry.
CLERK: (laughing) It's ok. Your cash back is going to be $60.00
ME: Sweet.
I take the money and browse the bookstore...bad idea.
ME: oooh, Dracula is only $2.50...and they have Cat on a Hot Tin Roof for $9.95
INNER MONOLOGUE: No, your phone and internet bills are due and you haven't started at Intermezzo yet, you need the money.
ME: Awwww, but just two books....Oh man, they have Shakespeare too.
INNER MONOLOGUE: Miranda, NO!
ME: But....
INNER MONOLOGUE: I said no!
ME: Fine. Be that way.
INNER MONOLOGUE: Fine. I will.
Wednesday, May 05, 2004
PRETTY GIRL + GOOD CHAMPAGNE = TROUBLE
+ 
= 
How Fantastically catastrophic! There I was chillin' in the club when a guy with this pretty girl tells me that i should come to VIP and have a bottle of champagne with them, so up I go. We're chillin' on the couch talking softly and the guy leaves me and said pretty lady sitting all nice and snuggly on the couch. She's petting my hair and telling me how pretty I am and I tell her she's pretty too....when suddenly....she says, "Have you ever thought about escorting?" I gaze up in shock, my eyes wide. The next words out of her mouth, "It's not always sex you know?...You can make up to $500 off a guy in just a few hours." "Ummmm," I sputter "I gotta go." I quickly made a beeline for the elevator and ran to the street to grab a cab. I think that's the last of my club promoter days.
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+ =
How Fantastically catastrophic! There I was chillin' in the club when a guy with this pretty girl tells me that i should come to VIP and have a bottle of champagne with them, so up I go. We're chillin' on the couch talking softly and the guy leaves me and said pretty lady sitting all nice and snuggly on the couch. She's petting my hair and telling me how pretty I am and I tell her she's pretty too....when suddenly....she says, "Have you ever thought about escorting?" I gaze up in shock, my eyes wide. The next words out of her mouth, "It's not always sex you know?...You can make up to $500 off a guy in just a few hours." "Ummmm," I sputter "I gotta go." I quickly made a beeline for the elevator and ran to the street to grab a cab. I think that's the last of my club promoter days.
Tuesday, May 04, 2004
WHY AM I SO AKWARD!!!
This was the dumbest picture I could find of myself, but it is no where close to the horrific scences of the pictures I'm about to speak of.
It's Saturday night and there I am dressed like a hooker so I can stand on a street cornor for $250 to hand out flyers in the cold rain with next to no clothes on...but first....I go see the Godfather (don't ask, I don't know, that's just what they call him) he tells me to go up to the VIP room and get my picture taken, so up I go. I get there and find out that I'm in a room full of models...uummm ok.....They get me up and the bar and tell me to start posing and I don't know what the hell to do. So really I'm all up high in my six inch heels trying really really hard to not fall off the bar and the photogrrapher yells at me to "just, you know, be sexy." WTF!!! That's like telling someone on the spot to just be funny. It ain't happenin'. I think the photographer had finally gotten really annoyed at this point because he told me I could get down (YES!), but then I was quickly carted away to be interviewed by this guy with a camera who asked me what my aspirations as a model were "umm, I don't model, I'm a promoter, Brooklyn just told me to come down and take pictures." The camera man then took a shot panning up and down my backside, stopping on my buttocks and yelled, "Damn you sure got ass for a white girl!" There you have it folks. I think my promoter and modeling days are over.
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This was the dumbest picture I could find of myself, but it is no where close to the horrific scences of the pictures I'm about to speak of.
It's Saturday night and there I am dressed like a hooker so I can stand on a street cornor for $250 to hand out flyers in the cold rain with next to no clothes on...but first....I go see the Godfather (don't ask, I don't know, that's just what they call him) he tells me to go up to the VIP room and get my picture taken, so up I go. I get there and find out that I'm in a room full of models...uummm ok.....They get me up and the bar and tell me to start posing and I don't know what the hell to do. So really I'm all up high in my six inch heels trying really really hard to not fall off the bar and the photogrrapher yells at me to "just, you know, be sexy." WTF!!! That's like telling someone on the spot to just be funny. It ain't happenin'. I think the photographer had finally gotten really annoyed at this point because he told me I could get down (YES!), but then I was quickly carted away to be interviewed by this guy with a camera who asked me what my aspirations as a model were "umm, I don't model, I'm a promoter, Brooklyn just told me to come down and take pictures." The camera man then took a shot panning up and down my backside, stopping on my buttocks and yelled, "Damn you sure got ass for a white girl!" There you have it folks. I think my promoter and modeling days are over.
